Part 1 Continued – Ok this self reflection thing is not going to be fun…
Well I spoke of two choices before me:
“Forgive and Forget” or “Committed and Honest Introspection?”
I think the truth is that I am too far down the path of introspection to quite now. In reality i think I have just come to the end of the line re procrastination with respect to implementing the methods to grow from my self analysis and observations.
It’s too late to forget, I’m honestly completely apathetic where blame is concerned…I believe too much in causality. Recognition of certain events, difficulties from certain parties would be nice, but unless they are willing to participate, it’s a moot point.
And these parties are either dead, unavailable or unwilling to engage in an dialogue unless it is approached from a perspective where I am burdened with blame.
And, you know what, it’s not about blame, it’s about being willing to do what is required to make a brighter future. Just understanding what happened, voicing what needs to be said in a safe environment and then moving on.
But it seems that this is not an option so what am I left with?
Well I have myself and my generally honest recall of events and my generous intentions. I have a great wife, though we are very different. (It’s like we are a great example of convergent evolution – I may talk about that one day)
I have a number of intelligent, varied, rational friends at my disposal who I can bounce ideas off. I have access to mental health professionals. I have my notes and work I have completed re childhood trauma and ACE scores, and I have a number of colourful and inventive analogies for the various mental predicaments I find myself enduring.
So maybe I’ll just set the scene and start putting all this stuff down.